She had always had the word.
It greeted her in morning’s mirror.
Unescapable. An ink faded indication
underneath the white towel
used to pat her face dry.
Now heavy bangs allowed
just enough
coverage for protection.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
depression
Background Story
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
Closed Shutters
Light filtered through shutters, yet she chose darkness.
For months she pushed it away, terrified
of being consumed, eaten whole.
Adamant in her refusal to sit with it.
Now she contemplates the dark.
Always kept at arm’s length
.
This unfamiliar,
meeting it for the first time.
It is not as cold to touch as expected.
Unwilling to go it alone, she invites
Curiosity to accompany her
and this new nameless acquaintance
to hide under the blanket together.
She turns to face them,
leans in to hear their voices
more surprised than terrified.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
Photo taken in Amsterdam 2014
Thanks for keeping the door unlocked.
When discouragement arrives…
Seeking a Brain Transplant
Coveting the minds of others,
organized, tidy, following clear roads.
Traveling to a chosen destination
efficiently arriving on time.
Dreary, weary, defeat haunts her
relapsing into the darkness of a mind off course.
Moving toward an endless horizon
without a line between earth and sky
to distinguish
what hole she fell into
this time.
© Ali Grimshaw
When the world gets to you…
Exiting The Maze
She could think about something else
a distraction from the pain
another new form of an old approach,
all temporary fixes,
that will return her to the same spot in the maze.
Unfortunately familiar torment.
Hands clenched to aching,
nails biting skin,
jaw clenched.
Her body’s defiance to the status quo.
Suffering unnoticed by a hurried world.
“Not this time.” She whispers. “This time
I will make my own exit.”
© Alicia Grimshaw 2016
Shades of Gray
Between the light and dark lie many shades of gray,
easily misunderstood by those not interested
in searching the sky for shapes.
With curiosity comes an acceptance of the continuum
from silver ash to smokey midnight.
Shades that vary only by a brushstroke of ink,
yet change a life in ways that can never be turned back.
The dark that challenges us to grow
and pushes the fearful through the door.
The light that illuminates
on the other side.
© Ali Grimshaw
Years of Isolation
A need for self protection
more fierce, more essential
than life itself.
The consuming energy of keeping her heart safe.
The waning strength to keep the walls fortified.
To give without receiving.
To live without wanting
A game of survival that she only knew
how to play alone.
© Ali Grimshaw
flashlight batteries - Ali Grimshaw 