She had always had the word.
It greeted her in morning’s mirror.
Unescapable. An ink faded indication
underneath the white towel
used to pat her face dry.
Now heavy bangs allowed
just enough
coverage for protection.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
mental health
Evolvement
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
Let it go…
Squeeze
What is the point of this adrenaline
if not to catch a falling baby,
escape from a lion or revive a drowning man?
Where can all of this feeling go? I want a place for it.
A drawer, a box, a shelf, a treasure chest, the trunk of a car
maybe an large envelope to mail it far away.
Away from me. Where I am not the one.
Draw another name from the hat, surely she is stronger.
How am I to hold this prickling, burning weight,
vibrational surge, flaming fingertips?
Pressure builds until this little teapot
blows her steam.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
Closed Shutters
Light filtered through shutters, yet she chose darkness.
For months she pushed it away, terrified
of being consumed, eaten whole.
Adamant in her refusal to sit with it.
Now she contemplates the dark.
Always kept at arm’s length
.
This unfamiliar,
meeting it for the first time.
It is not as cold to touch as expected.
Unwilling to go it alone, she invites
Curiosity to accompany her
and this new nameless acquaintance
to hide under the blanket together.
She turns to face them,
leans in to hear their voices
more surprised than terrified.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
Photo taken in Amsterdam 2014
Long before…
In the unfinished
before the credits scroll past
can you choose acceptance
without an end,
before the conclusion
without approval from the crowd?
Between the ribs, within
deeply, a voice
the one you used to hear
before you thought the others
were the ones that mattered.
Knew better and overruled your soul.
Before you decided
who you weren’t going to be.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
On the other side…
Refusal
Hold in place. Unwavering as the hurricane blows. Stand still when faced with a slap. Unbreakably bolted down. Absolute. Never cringe away. Stay. Forward one small step, your time. Crawl if you must. Claim your life. Take the hand that is offered then rise again. Unwilling to be swallowed, drug into the past. Drowned. Face toward what your heart holds true. Like a mountain through the seasons, remain.
Living refusal
thoughts chosen to unify
imprisoned by none
© Alicia Grimshaw 2017
My first attempt to write a Haibun (俳文, literally, haikai writings) a prosimetric literary form originating in Japan, combining prose and haiku. For those of you who are know this craft well, please understand this is a humble beginning.
Where do you belong?
Who decides where you fit in?
Walking into a room full of others
feeling like you don’t belong, not one of them.
Severed, the other, a misfit.
Open faces smile, glance your way.
But you have already closed the door
on belonging.
Doors open both ways. Exit this one.
Return again with this knowing
you are not held separate. Proving your worth
was never a requirement. The family of all things*
has been waiting for you.
Take this place, a space saved just for you.
Anywhere in the room will work.
Acceptance comes from inside.
* Acknowledgement to Mary Oliver’s words from her poem “Wild Geese”
© Ali Grimshaw 2016 (photo taken on the Oregon coast.)
When discouragement arrives…
flashlight batteries - Ali Grimshaw 