forgive yourself

Dulled by time, the dusty door

coated from years of holding back

nailed shut, painfully impassable

darkness left sealed for so long

you can’t remember it ever being open.

Bewildered frustration, heat rises

sweat drips down your chest

fury and defeat of stones tied to feet.

This emotional cycle circles through

each day as you stand before it.

Maybe it isn’t possible to reopen

you are so small.

But look

you still hold the hammer in your hand

the key dangles from your back pocket.

Despair for the moment to come

willing my body to enter the room

a mountain of mortification on my back

facing those faces

being seen while craving camouflage.

Owning the me that showed up today

failure and intention,

with a disappointing lack of action.

While seeking an empty seat I am

investigating the ability to shed my skin,

to start fresh. Becoming

a blank slate that holds

not a bit of old chalk dust.

flashlight batteries – Ali Grimshaw