In the dark kitchen while all lay asleep
I stood shorter than the countertop
determined to throw away my blanket of comfort
self worn to soft holding of me.
The mouth of the garbage can
that lived under the sink
hungry for layers of softness
swallowed them down easily.
My four year old self threw away weakness
like an explorer sailing to uncharted seas
I declared myself ready for the mystery of the grown up.
Without need for a fall back into security
how sure I was of my power to leave the shore
of my dearly loved comfort layer.
Where did the urgency come from
to stop leaning
depending on
go it alone without reliance?
Years later in my cold bed determined and proud
still I wonder why I needed to prove my toughness
hurry away from childhood.
© Alicia Grimshaw 2018
flashlight batteries - Ali Grimshaw 